Time clocks

During a payroll conversation today:

Receptionist: It's a time CLOCK, Ashley, not a time MACHINE.
Me: Might as well be a time machine. Every time I touch it 12 hours of my life disappear.

I really wasn't trying to be a smart a, but she was not amused. Oops.

Work work work

I've been working too much lately. Way too much. With RSV season in full swing, Primary's has been way too full and far understaffed. The benefit to this is that I'm working a lot of overtime and extras. The downside is that with the wedding creeping up, I can't say no to the extra money those shifts bring in. So it's been a lot of work lately, and no play. Boo. And the only thing saving my sanity is that I love my job. Don't love "going to work", but couldn't ask for a better way to spend the hours I'm at my job. And here's what I miss when I work so much-

Running
Tremonton trips (especially now that Ali is there)
Lunch with friends
Actually, any time at all with friends
Chillaxin with Jeremy in the evenings
Gym time with Jess and Bev
The Blue Crew
A clean house
Making dinner
Reading
Sleep
Early morning yoga with Erika
Being outside
Breathing

Time for a vacation. Or just a week off. Counting down the days til the honeymoon. 72!

I'm happy to announce that in the past two weeks, when people asked about the wedding planning, I did not:

Roll my eyes
Sigh
Get annoyed/anxious/stressed/angry
Cry
Complain
Quickly change the subject
Unload all the hellish details of wedding planning
Leave the conversation

And that is a big step for me. I'm also happy to say that it's actually been fun to discuss all things wedding related lately. It should be even better after the consultation Wednesday. I'm getting so excited. I'm pretty sure THIS is what it's supposed to feel like, and I so enjoy finally feeling it.

Oh and Jeremy has a ring now. And Chrissi has a dress. And I have ribbons in my favorite colors. These are all good things.

And my friends are kick-ass and offered to throw bridal showers. This is the first thought that went through my head after discussing dates with Cami and Trudy- "I guess I'll have to check with my mom to make sure she'll have time to clean her house." And then I realized I don't have to do that because for the first time ever it's NOT at my house. That feels weird. And people won't let me help, which is also weird. I have mixed feelings about the whole 'go to a party, don't help with anything, let people give you stuff while everyone is watching you' idea. I'm a better host. This is new for me. We'll see how it goes. I feel weird about it. Excited, but weird.

I don't know how many days, but maybe I'll count tomorrow. Or someone can do it for me. :) It's coming up quick. Booyah!

"The fresh hell that is wedding planning..."

I like to think I'm pretty easygoing. I can usually roll with the punches, spur of the moment is fine with me, I'm up for whatever. But I am a hardcore stresser. Always have been. I don't know why. It's annoying. It's pointless. It's a waste of time. But I can stress out with the best of them. It's something I need to work on. I have recently discovered that wedding planning brings out the stress like nothing else I have ever experienced. I was reading a wedding blog the other day (yeah, I do things like THAT now) and the writer mentioned "the fresh hell that is wedding planning". Right on, dear blogger.

I'm almost positive that I've heard people say they enjoyed planning their wedding. They thought it was fun, not stressful, loved every second of picking out every detail. I know I've heard this before... And now I know those people were LYING! Wedding planning=high stress, not fun, hard... I don't love it. But what I do love is that when I'm done with all this planning, I'll get to have an awesome party with all the people I care about, get to wear the most fantastic dress I've ever put on, and most importantly... I'll get to be married to the one dude that makes me smile, love, feel more than anyone else in the world. And for that, all the stress will be worth it.

We finally have a date and a place and that has made life this week much easier than it has been in the weeks past. It took multiple breakdowns, tears, phone calls, and hours to nail something down, but we finally did. And it's amazing how much relief I feel having that done. One thing that has made me realize is that I need to breathe. It's all going to work out in the end (haven't people been telling me that all along and I forgot to listen?) and I just need to relax and take it one detail at a time. Having the date/location stress off my shoulders has given me time to focus a little more on what's really important for the wedding. And what's really important is spending it with Jeremy.

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited to have all of our family and friends there. I so look forward to spending that day with the amazing people in our lives. But more importantly, I want our wedding to be about us. I want it to be the happiest day of our lives. I want Jeremy to feel different than he ever has when I walk down the aisle, because I already know I'll have to choke back some tears.

I so look forward to spending the rest of my life with Jeremy. I came to the hard realization that he is a much better fiance to me than I am to him. Through all my crying and flipping out, he has been incredibly patient and understanding and put up with more than anyone should ever have to. But I hope that we can be equally awesome husband/wife to each other.

I can't wait. Really. And not just because when the wedding finally gets here it will mean all the planning is done. Although I'm ready for that part too. I can't wait for the marriage. The rest of our lives. Together. That's the thing I look forward to the most. And that's what will make everything worth it. Seriously, can't wait.