Thursday, July 8, 2010


I'm so overwhelmed with all of the things that I need to write about that I can't even figure out where to start. So I'll skip over everything for now and focus on what I'm feeling today.

It's so easy to feel alone in a new city. I see groups of people on the street, I hear voices and music and laughter through the open window from across the way, I pass people running in twos and threes while I pound the pavement by myself. I hear the stories of my friends back home on weekend getaways together, going to concerts and movies and dinners, wasting a day at the pool together. Lonely is a strange feeling. One that I have luckily not had to experience much of in my lifetime, but one that I now get the opportunity to overcome.

But it's not all lonely. I'm so lucky to have my best friend here. We get to tour the city together, find places to eat, see the sights, cuddle on a rainy day. It's fun to start a whole new life together. New city, new jobs, new experience. We're in uncharted territory, and I so look forward to mapping it out together. Jeremy makes me laugh every day. The transistion is easier when I'm doing it with my best friend.

I have a friend here. I thought Mauri was a sweetheart when I met her last summer, and now I know she is one of the best people this world has to offer. She beat me to Seattle by three months and has spent the last couple weeks showing me around. She has saved my sanity and kept my spirits up. She has the most positive attitude and makes it impossible to get sucked into the pity party I would surely throw myself if she wasn't around.

At a time when it would be so easy to feel lost and alone, I have been comforted and reassured by God's love and awareness for me. There are signs everywhere that He has not forgotten about me and that I am in the right place at the right time. A missionary in the ward that was a patient of mine in the past, the surprise discovery of a high school teammate living a block away. It's easy to get discouraged, but easier to recognize the signs of encouragement from someone bigger than me.

It's a strange feeling not having a job. I don't know what to do with all the free time and end up wasting most of it. I hope a find a job quickly because I feel all out of sorts without one. I miss Primary's every day. I find myself constantly thinking about the patients there and hate not knowing how they are doing. I miss my coworkers. I miss the kids and their families.

The plus side of being jobless is that I've had time to run again. It's so different to run in a new city, unfamiliar with the streets and the landmarks. Getting lost and finding my way again. Going just far enough that I can't turn around, I just have to make the full loop. Finding myself on scary trails, but coming out on the other side to the most beautiful views. Symbolic of this move to Seattle I guess.

I'm figuring out the city. I've found my favorite grocery stores, my favorite dock to sit on in the afternoon, my favorite spray-painted message on a freeway overpass. It's a little easier to determine which way is North or West. I've picked up some of the lingo. I can't bring myself to stop wearing makeup or doing my hair yet.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss work. I miss air conditioning. But the water here is beautiful. Everything is so green. I hiked through the forest and came out on a beach. I saw a turtle on the trail. It stays light until 10 o'clock in the summer. I live a mile from downtown.

I like Seattle. Before long I will love it. And while Utah will always be where the heart is, Seattle will be home. At least for now.


Reid, Megan and Jackson said...

oh ash, you are so cute. I love the way you write. I will soon be in your shoes as we are moving in just three weeks so while we cant be neighbors, we can be blog buddies. I'm glad you guys are enjoying your time together!

oh and jackson says:

ccngbrb .thmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Lindsay said...

It's funny because Kelli and I were talking about how awesome it would be to do what you guys are doing, only with the perspective we have now after having kids. How fun it would be to start new somewhere, just you and your spouse. To be free. To do whatever you want, whenever you want. I dig being a mom, but oh how I long for moments of freedom. And quiet. And adventure. And the ability to start something and FINISH it. And how I wished I would have savored those moments more when I actually had them.
I get the lonely. But honestly, you're not missing much here. And you'll have friends sooner or later. :)
Good luck on the job hunt.

Brittany Barnes said...

I miss you also my friend! I am so proud of you for embracing your move and glad you and Jeremy really get to enjoy each other! Just know that thanks to technology we are always just a phone call away and you have MANY people that love you and will always be there for you even though you can't touch them with one finger to make them stop snoring! :) I love your face Ash-tray!